Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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