I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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