Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
