I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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