are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
