Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sober January is a disaster.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
