so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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