I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
