It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
