if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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