Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want nice things and good sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
