He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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