When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
