i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
