Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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