drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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