Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
