I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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