whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
