I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
