I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
