The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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