We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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