tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
