i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
