so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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