The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
