Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
