Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
