I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
