Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
