There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
