What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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