What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
