Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
