so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
