I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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