Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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