So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
