My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
