I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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