she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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