There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
