remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
