My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
