girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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