so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
