Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
