There's always time for handjobs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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