and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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