I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
