My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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